So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
