Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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