piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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