The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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