***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
