plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
