Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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