why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
