He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
