hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
