Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dignity is for republicans.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
