I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
