Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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