DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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