Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
