dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
