I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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