like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize