i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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