She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
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