tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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