a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
