i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
