I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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