i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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