Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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