as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
