What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize