Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
