The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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