I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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