Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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