Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
