Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
