I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
