operation have a gay friend backfired
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
