Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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