4 words: hood of his car
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
