My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Houston, we have a blender
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
