I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
