I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
