Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We talked him into tasing himself.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
