The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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