Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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