So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
