Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
