why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
