I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
