there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How external is "for external use only"?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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