I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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