were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize