last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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