she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
