the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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