She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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