is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
