I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
