He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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