you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
