i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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