in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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