just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
