I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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